a moment among moments 001

I've been thinking an awful lot about an awful lot of things. One being thankfulness, how I struggle with being grateful for what I have and not so much in the way of material- money, status, possessions, ect., more so in the sense that I feel I am made of so little. I am made of this body, this skin that seems too pasty to see the light of day, these eyes that feel impossibly fierce, this tongue that doesn't watch itself enough, this frame that takes up so much space. Insecurity ravages me and leaves me bare and scrambling for somewhere to hide because something in me truly believes that if I show what I really am, I won't be deemed acceptable. The reality, I suppose, is that I'm not. But I have been shown grace and mercy which make me acceptable. He smiled upon me and sometimes I forget how ungrateful I am for that alone. for being seen by the One who didn't have to see me. But He did. He put this personality in this body to be open arms and an endlessly open, bleeding heart for hurting people. I'm not entirely sure of where I fit in this large equation, this grand scape of life happening all around me. I want to be completely immersed in every beautiful thing God has created and has set man up to wield. All the sights, sounds, lights, intricate personalities trapped inside these bodies just like me.

I've had this song stuck inside my head for a few days now. It's called "Saturn" by Sleeping At Last off of their Atlas: Space 2 record and the two lines that have so feverishly beat up against the walls of my mind are:

" I couldn’t help but ask
For you to say it all again.
I tried to write it down
But I could never find a pen
I’d give anything to hear
You say it one more time,
That the universe was made
Just to be seen by my eyes"

and

"how rare and beautiful it is to even exist" 

I've felt the orchestra vibrations in my ribcage, singing over and over, hearing Him sing to my fragile heart and mind that the universe was made knowing I'd appreciate its beauty. That it was made to be seen by my eyes.