And before, that has most certainly been the turn out of things I've done with the best of intentions. I so happen to be in a place now where in I don't have even a peephole idea of what the heck I'm supposed to be doing in any respect, be it service in church, social interactions, what have you. My church just ended a series about Noah, all about building a better life and what that means and at my small group, we talked about what our "boat" is that we're "building" in our own spiritual walks. And I honestly couldn't answer at first for not knowing exactly what that is! I brought this up to the group and one person said something along the lines of "walking out in faith often times is the start." and I thought that was ingenious. Sometimes, perhaps, you're in a season where you're just holding you hands out, palms up, saying "put me where you want me" and I didn't realise how dangerous of a proposition that was until my answer was "move to the coast". Knowing how I get set in my ways, knowing I was leaving comfort and familiarity. I heard people talk about how difficult and awkward it is and sort of laughed them off, honestly! Thinking I'd be "different". Nope.
I'm in the midst of a strange transition and honestly, sometimes I'm still pretty anxious about meeting people and where I fit and how I fit in it. But I'm learning half the battle is to be open to possibilities. I'll soon be working a job doing something I've never done or thought of doing and I know its where God wants me. That's what makes me excited. That there's room to grow and there's potential for impact. That I get the chance to change and maybe that's my "boat", being actively willing. Regardless of how much it seems like I'm screwing up or not exactly "skilled" in the place that He has me. Or if I'm just generally clueless. I'm starting to think being clueless isn't the worst position to be in.
